From the title of this post, you probably could have guessed that those nerves I've been wondering about..yeah well, they've suddenly decided to pay me a visit. They started creeping up on me when I stepped into the Belgian Consulate in good ol' NYC. For some reason, applying for the visa made this whole experience suddenly seem so much more real. Before, it was just something I could dream about and look forward to. I never really thought how I would actually feel when everything started snowballing towards departure day. Thankfully, the ladies at the consulate were very friendly and got my visa sent to me very quickly. Tomorrow morning, I leave for JFK airport.
I feel like the hardest part of this entire trip is the magic act of fitting a year's worth of clothing, shoes for all seasons, ski gear, coats, hats, gloves, books, laptop, gifts galore (aka Legos for the boys), toiletries, into 2 suitcases, while still making sure they each stay below 23 kilos. That may sound like a lot of weight, but let me tell you right now...it fills up in a snap. Especially for me, who, I must admit, am a total fashion obsessed crazy person. I literally have to have matching shoes for every outfit for every season, from short sleeve shirts, tank and tube tops, to long sleeve shirts, sweaters, skirts, jeans, jackets, shoes... It's a little insane, I realize that, but at the same time, it is SO DIFFICULT to decide what to bring and what not to bring. "Will I really wear this a lot? Or only once the whole year? Maybe I should bring it just in case?" These are the kind of questions that have been running through my brain the past 3 days of packing and repacking. It is now 12:06 AM (meaning I must depart for the airport in 10 hours) and both my suitcases are 5 kilos over the allowed weight. And I still haven't even put in my toiletry bag yet, which probably weighs 1 kilo in itself (I have a lengthily bathroom regime).
Well, I think I'll just deal with it in the morning. I am exhausted. I spent 3 hours laying in bed last night worrying about getting lost in the airport, forming random German and French phrases in my head and then double checking them on the online dictionary on my phone. I was literally having conversations with myself..practicing what I will say to my family when I meet them in person for the first time.
My neighbor gave me some good advice today. She said that tonight, when I lie in bed and the nerves start kicking in again, that I should just think about all the other times in my life I have been nervous like this (i.e. first day of middle school, auditions for the school musical, piano recital, prom, driver's test, SATS, graduation...) and how those all turned out just fine. So, this experience is just like one of those, except perhaps a little bit longer lasting. I can handle it. I may cry tomorrow when I leave my family. But, I am coming into the home of a very welcoming, kind new family. I've handled everything else just fine. And apparently, as I've heard from a friend who spent a year abroad in Switzerland last year, I will cry when I leave this home, but I will also cry when I leave my home in Europe. Whatya know.
On one last note, I've said about 30 goodbyes to friends and family in the past 2 weeks. That is something that really makes you depressed, but also gives you a big push into the the real world. I must say though, the last few days with some of my closest friends (who are now all having their first weeks of classes in college) have been quite memorable.
A few nights ago, for example, me and my two good friends Meghan and Stephanie sat in a tiny plastic cave in the elementary school playground at 11pm, going from funny story telling and jokes, to our hopes and dreams, to our fears and nerves. The three of us, plus Deanna, call ourselves the "cave men." Long story, but it mostly has to do with our favorite hang out being this cave on the playground. Don't ask why... just except it. It makes everything much easier. All I can say is, new and exciting ideas have taken place in and around the cave, including our idea to sing and dance to the song "Valerie" at our school talent show, as well as come up with our "cave chant", which we have become famous for performing at various high school parties. On our last day at the cave, we were surprised to find a bunch of sunflowers growing on the playground. We picked some and called it a sign for good luck as we each go our separate ways. I've also spent a good amount of time with Nabila, who I only became really close with this year, but it now feels like we've known each other forever. We formed a kind of bucket-list for the summer, and we got a number of things checked off... For example, camping for 3 days in the Adirondacks (and we really fulfilled that one...even had an encounter with a bear!!).
The last few days I have also spent with my best friend Manda, whom I have known since I was 9 years old. We spent one entire night laying on the hood of her car, reading through our old friendship book form 4th grade which consists of funny, interestingly sexual sounding stories we made up (which of course, were not supposed to be sexual at all, they just sound that way to us now because, as you may very well know, our minds tend to become quite dirty around the ages of 17-20ish, and we like to think things sound dirty, when, they really do not), as well as our hair and our dogs hair (strange, I know). We also took a barefoot walk around the neighborhood at 2am, with my cats following us the entire way. Today, before she left, we had a Frank Sinatra dance party in my room, and then heard the ice cream truck outside and ran downstairs to dance in my driveway to the insanely electronic version of the chicken dance or something. The ice cream man found it quite entertaining and tried to dance along with us while driving. Seemed a little dangerous to me, but what do I know.
Well, I'm bantering on now. This is the sign that I am exhausted. Goodnight!
